Forget and Remember

December 31, 2019 marked the end of the month, the year, and the end of a decade. For me, it has been a year of challenges, and life events and situations took their toll on me, so I did not write at all in 2019. I am determined to change that in 2020.  However, in the big picture, this has not been the worst year of my life. Several of my friends have faced major losses, including death or estrangement of family members, employment, or their health as they previously experienced it.

As each year passes, (66 in a few days), I find myself a little more forgetful of names, details, and sometimes, even what day it is. I can recall every teacher I had in elementary school (1960-1966), but I can’t remember what I ate yesterday! Daily there are television and online ads promoting vitamins and supplements and health tips to improve memory and brain function. (I would include the links to these, but I forget where they are.). 😊

So, as I write this New Year blog entry, I wonder…. 

What do I need to forget, and What will I remember?

Unfortunately, there are many events, hurts, and even people from my life I wish I could forget. Somehow, my neuropathways seem to be determined to hang on to those negatives instead of letting me move past them. Believe me, I have tried. I do well for a while, and then, WHAM! Something or someone triggers my memory, and I am back in the original time or place of pain or sadness or rejection or other negative emotion. I have made progress, but I still struggle. I am learning that the key to this struggle is my choice. I have the choice to decide what my focus will be. I can’t change the past, so why do I keep giving it power over me?

Forget does not mean pretending something did not happen or ignoring the realities of the past. It means I do not need to keep reliving it.  Isaiah 43:18 says it this way.  “Forget the former things, and do not dwell on the past.   

Remember means to bring to my conscious memory what really matters. The older I get, the more I struggle with remembering what really matters. So I need to make room for the new and more important things so I can remember them. 

Each year, I try to find a Scripture that will be my guide for the next 365 days of life. I do not make a list of resolutions, because I know my track record with that. This year, I am going to try to embrace the words Forget and Remember.   This new year of 2020, I choose Philippians 3:13-14 as my focus.  

 

      It says this:

13 “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on [remembering] this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,  14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

 So, this new year of 2020, I will choose to Forget those who have hurt me, spitefully used me, and tried to discourage me from being who God created me to be. I will choose to Remember the grace, mercy, and forgiveness that Christ provides me.    Will you join me?

     

WHEN CHRISTMAS ISN’T MERRY

WHEN CHRISTMAS ISN’T MERRY

     
     Of all the holidays we celebrate, Christmas seems to have more pressure and pre-determined “shoulds.”  For those of us who are believers and followers of Christ, the pressure is even greater because we know and truly do want to celebrate the birth of our Savior. Yet even with that being said, I wonder…

    What about those times when Christmas isn’t Merry?

     The true meaning and spirit of Christmas get lost (or maybe hijacked) earlier each year. Retailers and merchandisers start before Halloween with their ads and displays. It is now common to see Christmas red and green juxtaposed next to orange and black spiders and pumpkins. What a clash (in more ways than just color)!!!!

   This year has been especially hard for many. So it is understandable that It is hard to feel merry and bright when...  

…someone especially dear has died.

…a spouse or child or other family member has been diagnosed with cancer or some other dread disease.

…you have been fired, or hours have been reduced, or your business has done poorly.

...you can't be with those you love this year.

… you are just depressed, or lonely, or exhausted from life’s seemingly constant demands, heartaches, and twists and turns.

     I may sound like Scrooge or the Grinch, but that is not my intent. My true motivation is to encourage us to be truthful and give ourselves permission not to be forced into faking our feelings. No, we don’t want to ruin anyone else’s Christmas, but neither do we need to be forced to pretend we are feeling merry when we aren't.

  

     The healthiest way to celebrate is to acknowledge and be honest about our feelings. Christ came to bring hope, joy, peace, and love, but the prophet Isaiah tells us, “He was a man or sorrows and acquainted with grief and He knows our struggles, and He came to carry our burdens.” [Read all of Isaiah 53—it is really an encouraging passage].

     So, if you aren’t feeling especially jolly, remind yourself that it is ok to acknowledge your feelings, and do what you can to enjoy the season; above all else, know that you are not alone.  We are all struggling in some way on this road of life. Reach out to someone; contact me through this blog. I may not  have a solution, but I will listen and do my best to be present with you.

               From my heart to yours, Celebrate Christmas!                  (Merry or Not)

      

  

PLATITUDES, ATTITUDES, AND TRUTH

I hate platitudes; they give me an attitude. Pat answers, pithy quotes, and a Scripture for every situation may be well-intentioned, and are not meant to harm, but I wonder…Who are these really for?

Life is hard. That is not the way we want it to be, but this is reality. Somewhere in a distant past, a notion was hatched that our time on this planet is supposed to be sunshine and roses, or lollipops and unicorns, and not struggle, heartache, pain, and disease. I’m not sure where that myth originated, but it is just that—MYTH.

I have lived six decades, and in all those years, I have had a good life. It has been marked by pain, heartache, suffering, rejection, struggle, illness and even death of many I have loved. Wait… you’re thinking, “She said she has had a good life,” right?  Yes, that is what I said. I have lived through all of those negative, difficult times, and I can still say I have a good life. I choose to see life this way.

I still have times when I am angry and depressed and am not fit to be around other people-not always because of what I am experiencing at the time, but because of their preconceived notions of the terribleness of my life. You see, when one individual can’t (or won’t) accept the truth that life is hard and instead wants to project their own idyllic fantasy of life onto another person, they are really not helping. The person in the struggle doesn’t need the added burden of feeling a certain way based on another person's need to live in the myth. I know, because I have been through this countless times. They might mean well, but it isn’t helpful.

The myth that we deserve a life of good health, prosperity, and no struggle is as old as the story of Job. The question of  “Why me?” is also not new. He struggled; he questioned God and wanted an explanation. Job was human; he had been successful and wealthy, a faithful servant of God, yet his family, wealth, and health were taken from him. Why? Did he do something wrong or sin so terribly that caused him to suffer? Job’s friends just could not (or would not) stop their verbiage, trying to find a rational explanation for the pain, suffering, and loss that Job was experiencing. They may have thought they were trying to help, but more likely, they were more concerned about their own mythical view of life. “If Job, a righteous man, can have everything taken from him, what about me? I don’t want to go through this. God blesses (prevents from struggle) those who follow Him. Right?”  They eventually left Job alone in his struggle, but it was through his struggle that Job came to these conclusions:

                    Job 1:21 "I came naked from my mother's womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The LORD gave me what I had, and the LORD has taken it away. Praise the name of the LORD!"

     Job 13:15 “Though He (God) slay me, yet will I trust Him.”

Struggle is necessary for growth. A caterpillar will never become a butterfly without the struggle of breaking out of the cocoon. We would never learn to walk if we didn’t fall down and pick ourselves up. We are made stronger by struggle. Overcoming hardship builds character, even though we don’t like the process. We all know people whose lives were sheltered and indulged, and they cannot handle even the smallest problem. They have not known struggle because someone always stepped in to solve their problems.

We do not always know why our life is hard. Sometimes we are doing everything right to the best of our ability, and we still have hard times. Even Jesus, God’s perfect son, had struggles.  These were not because of any sin or failing on His part; it was to demonstrate to us that we would also struggle, and where our hope must rest.  

John 16:33 “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. (Jesus) Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (emphasis mine)

So, there we have it. We WILL have trials and sorrows. Nobody is exempt. How we endure these hardships is up to us.

2 Cor 6:4 Instead, in every way we demonstrate that we are God's servants by tremendous endurance in the midst of difficulties, hardships, and calamities;

If you are going through a hard time of struggle as you read this, I am sorry. I could offer to take away your pain, but that would rob you of the growth God has for you.  I can say that every struggle I have faced has taught me something and made me stronger. I have had to refocus my perspective. I trust in God, and that is why I am still here. He will never leave you nor forsake you. I know that is truth, not a myth.

Cows, Buckets, and Attitudes

 

This Sunday, June 18,  we will celebrate Father’s Day. This special day is difficult for many people for different reasons. Some people either did not know their father, or perhaps they had a less than stellar father in their life. This was not true for me because I had a great daddy who taught me many valuable life skills and lessons that I still practice today. Even though my daddy died 20 years age,  I have tried to pass his lessons on to our son and nieces and nephews who adored their Paw Paw.

In recent days I have been struggling with some difficult issues in my life. At my age of 63, it is a daily pop quiz of which possible aches, memory lapses, or challenges I may be asked to handle in the ever changing world around me. The days of friendly people and caring communities seem to be fading fast, and instead have been replaced with disrespectful and impatient younger people with little time or patience for those of us who were not born in the technology driven age. Truthfully, this is not a new issue. My daddy also had  challenges in his lifetime. He was born in 1926, and during the Great Depression of the 1930’s his life was a true survival story, not a contrived TV show.

Daddy was one of eight children, and his mother died when he was only 12. He grew up in rural Louisiana, and at that very early age he learned to milk cows and was paid about 10 cents a day for this job. One of the many life lessons he taught me was based on his vast experience with milking cows. Since I was not a farm girl, it took more than one telling of the lesson for me to grasp its importance, but after all these years, I can still  hear Daddy’s voice in my ear.  Here is the lesson as he explained it to me.

Apparently, milking requires a certain relationship between the person doing the milking and the cow. I’ve been told that milk cows are moody, but then since they are female, this is understandable. Milking requires a skillful and firm touch for the milk to fill the bucket; otherwise, the milk splashes all over the person and is wasted.  Once the bucket is full, it must be moved away from the cow immediately, or else the cow will kick the pail and the milk is wasted.  

So how does knowing about milking cows translate into a life lesson? My daddy’s summation statement for this story was this: “Doing good things for others with a bad attitude is like a cow that gives a good bucket of milk and then kicks it over.”

I find it increasingly difficult as I get older to maintain a good attitude. I could blame society in general or a list of specific individuals who make it hard for me to be my wonderful self on a consistent basis. The truth is that in recent days and months I have kicked over more buckets than I have filled. I am not proud of this fact, but I am trying to be honest. My attitude has been more like the smell of cow manure than the sweet smell of a fresh glass of milk. I have let the simple joys of life be obscured by the disappointments and distractions of this world. Ultimately, my attitude is my responsibility, and I choose my responses or reactions. Going through life and doing things for others from a resentful, or critical spirit is being that cow kicking over the bucket.   

So on this Father’s Day, I want to honor God and my daddy by doing a better job of applying this lesson. I want to fill each “bucket” in my life with kindness and caring for others and not kick it over with a bad attitude.  Thank you, Daddy  for being my greatest teacher and such a great dad.

 

Elections, Selections, and Directions

 

 
 Is it just me, or does it seem to you that we have been in a constant state of campaigning and elections since 2015? Maybe it is because I’m older and time passes more quickly than when I was younger; or maybe it is because we barely finish with one election cycle before campaigning for the next series begins. I mean, come on… every two years there is a Congressional election. Every 4 years it is national, state, and local office holders. If there are more than two people running for the same office, there will most likely be a run-off to determine the winner. So I'm wondering...Why does anyone run for public office?

Don’t get me wrong—I am an active participant in the voting process and have been since I was 18. I believe in the process, but the fact that running for office at any level has become more of a money and power game than wanting to represent the people that a candidate will represent may be a major reason why fewer people participate in the voting process.

I ran for office once… in high school in the 1970’s. (Yes, I am ancient). I wanted to serve as an officer on the Student Council, so I ran for the position of secretary. At the tender age of 16, I gained first-hand knowledge of how appearance, popularity, and money impacted people’s opinions. I was not in the “popular” crowd in my high school; I was not a cheerleader or even well-known. My campaign posters were hand made by my close friends contrasted with the professionally printed signs of my opponent. Still, I prepared my speech for the assembly of the student body and garnered the courage to stand on stage before more than 1,000 teenagers to inform them of my qualifications. Just as I began my speech, the microphone went dead, so only the first 10 rows of students could hear what I was saying.  The only sentence that the entire audience heard was the beginning of my opening statement: “Last night as I was reading my Bible…” and then the PA system died. Of course, as a teenager, I was humiliated by that experience. The audience of “mature adolescents” collapsed into raucous laughter at my attempt at public speaking, and for days after that fiasco, I was taunted by comments like, “Hey Bible girl” or worse. (Because as we all know, teenagers are very understanding and kind by nature.) Oh, and obviously, I lost the election.

What is my point? Running for elected office at any level is not easy. The individuals running for office have made the decision to put themselves (and their family) in the public eye and under scrutiny. He or she will propose a direction for the future in hopes of being selected to represent others. This is not a small decision.

So, once again I will participate again in the election process. I have personally communicated with some of those who are candidates for our local elected offices. I will select the person I believe will do the best job to lead our city, county, state, or nation in the right direction. Once the election results are decided, I will do my best to accept the decision and continue to participate by holding the officials accountable. This is how our country was designed to function.

Elections are the foundation on which our nation is built. Make your selection of candidates wisely. The direction of our future depends on it.