Saturday, March 22, 2014

The older I get, the more it seems that someone I know and care about is experiencing some form of grief.  Somehow in our “politically correct,” “be positive,” “get your praise on,” “don’t worry, be happy” world, the reality that life will involve loss and sadness is deemed to be negative.  We tend to rush ourselves and as many others as we can influence to hurry up and get over grief.  So I’m wondering, “Why are we so uncomfortable with grief?”




 GRIEF

by Jennifer W. Vess

 

Grabs our life with a grip that seems to strangle every fiber of our being.

Rips apart our familiar and replaces it with rage, or regret, or remorse.

Invades our inner peace with such intensity that we sometimes wish to die instead of living.

Establishes itself within us and for a time we experience everything through this lens or filter.

Finally subsides to a manageable level so we can move forward without forgetting our pain and loss.

 

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

How Is Your Garden Growing?  

 
My daddy always had a garden.  With five children and a wife to feed on an hourly wage salary, it was a necessity.  As a child, I only knew of fresh tomatoes, greens, corn, beans, squash, eggplant, cucumbers, potatoes, and the ever-popular turnips. 

            As soon as we were old enough to go outside, we were all expected to “help in the garden.”  Daddy didn’t know about child labor laws; he was quite familiar with his own translation of scriptures like “work with your own hands,” and “if you don’t work, you don’t eat.”  Daddy always applied Scripture practically.

            For most of my younger years, I was on the weeding detail.  Grass growing between the perfectly formed rows of Daddy’s garden was not tolerated.  Daddy was an environmentally green gardener before his time.  Why use chemical weed treatment when his children were available!

            The most common weed in our south Louisiana garden was crabgrass.  Its name is descriptive of its nature.


 

Like a crab, this grass’s roots are in the center of the weed with long tendrils extending outward.  In pulling up this weed, it is essential to pull the core or center section intact with the tendrils.  Otherwise, the weed grows back.  It is a tenacious and persistent weed.  Consistent, methodical, often sweat producing effort is required to master the weeding chore.  It is not for the faint of heart or weak willed.

            As a young child, I remember begging to go to the garden.  I felt left out of what my older brothers were doing because they got to be with Daddy in the garden.  Their groans and complaints of “wait till you get older; you won’t be so excited then” did not deter me.  I wanted to be in the garden, mainly because I wanted to be with Daddy and with them. 

            Eventually, of course, I did grow old enough to see the garden from a different view.  Yes, I became a groaner along with the older boys and lost sight of the reason for my joy of being in the garden. When the work was hot and hard, I groaned and complained. Sadly, I even passed on the groans to the younger boys as they reached the age of garden accountability.  Maybe if Daddy had explained the connection between pulling weeds and eating, our groans might not have been so loud.  Truthfully, I doubt it.  Groaning is part of our nature, regardless of the level of our understanding.  It’s just easier than thinking, obeying, or being thankful. 

            As an adult I developed a different view of weeds in the garden.  When our son was little, the garden was his favorite place.  He loved to “hoe in the garden,” but mostly, he just loved being with his PawPaw.  This is so like God-- to open my spiritual eyes through watching our child.

            Our lives are a garden full of seeds that have been planted there.  Like every garden, the seeds must be protected and nourished in order to produce their intended plant.  When weeds begin to invade the soil intended for the plant to thrive, the weed must be removed.  Otherwise, the life giving soil is forced to feed both the seed and the weed.  Weeds, of course, don’t require much to survive.  It is their nature to live off of other sources.  They drain and strain the plants around them until the source dries up.  The result is a patch of useless grass and weeds that give nothing back like food or beauty.

            God is our gardener.  He created us from dirt with a spirit and a soul.  Our dirt is in need of water and fertilizer and weed killing.  Every day we are given the choice of pulling weeds or feeding them.  We feed the weeds by ignoring our Father’s voice.  The roots of the weeds grow stronger and spread out further to infect other struggling plants.  If left untended, our spirit and soul can become hard and barren and eventually dry up.

            The other choice is to pull the weeds. We listen for our Father's instructions and read them in His word.  It is hard work and seems endless, but the payoff is so great!  We learn how to do it right so the weeds have to work harder to grow back.  We see the fruit (or vegetable) of our labor.  Most of all, we get to be with our Daddy. 

Monday, August 26, 2013

  Follower or Leader?

As children we have all played the game, "Follow the Leader".  It is not complicated; just do what the leader does.  Total imitation without deviation or individuality is the goal of this game.  It is meant to be a nonsensical game and usually ends in laughter. So I am wondering......Are we still playing "Follow the Leader?"  What if we are supposed to be the leader?

It is not easy to be a leader; it would be so much easier to go through life just doing what somebody else tells us to do so we don't have to take responsibility for anything.  There are many people who live this way.   We must be careful in deciding which leaders to follow. 

What is leadership?  Recently, two quotes on leadership  have come into my life, and they  are still percolating in my aging brain. 

“Leaders don't create followers, they create more leaders.” Tom Peters


"The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly." —Jim Rohn

I invested the majority of my working years in some facet of education.  In each position, I was expected to follow orders, but also to be a leader.  Even from the lowest position of rank I had responsibilities to lead, train, and hopefully encourage someone else to become a leader.  I would like to think I was a good leader and made a positive impact on others through my life.  Most of my former students are  adults who have been making their mark on this world for over 30 years. (Yes, I am old!)  We laugh about their student behaviors and attitudes, but they thank me for my influence in their life; although at the time, they weren't always appreciative of my leadership.  :)

How did I become a leader? I attribute any ability I have to a decision I made early in life. At the age of 7, I made the choice to follow Jesus as the leader in my life.  I have not been a  perfect follower, and I have struggled with being a good leader because I couldn't be perfect like Jesus.  The greatest news is that I have learned that I don't have to be perfect! As long as I am following the only perfect leader ever known, I can lead others with His strength to help me. 

So, which are you--follower or leader?  I submit that the best answer is to be both.  Choose the right leader to follow, then LEAD!

Saturday, March 30, 2013

"The Wonder of it All"

For all three of you who may have actually remembered that I started a blog in January... here's entry #2.  Entry #1 was about forgetfulness.  So... in total transparency I am going to admit that..... I forgot how to get back to my own blog to post another entry!  You are not surprised if you know me at all.  ADD + age+ life= forgetfulness.  So, I confess, and will do my best to remember how to get back here so my posts are more consistent. Oh, and for you OCD friends who are chomping at the bit to tell me how to remember.... I already sent myself an email on how to get back here.  Ha Ha!

Today was a day full of wondering.  Actually, this entire week has been.  This time, the application of the wondering has been of the ":Oh what a wonder this is!"  connotation of the word.  Let me explain.

This week I have been sick with my annual bout of upper respiratory/pharyngitis.  I thought I had escaped it since it was already the end of March, but I was wrong!  What is the wonder in that? When I get sick, my voice is the first to be affected.  That's right... I can't talk. (Let me rephrase... I'm not supposed to talk.) There's the wonder!  So what does one do when the ability to talk is restricted?  Well, after years of experience, I have learned that trying to talk over hoarseness is damaging to the vocal chords.  So..... I have been alone, silent, and able to hear the wonders.

Most of these have not been audible sounds; instead they have been messages from different sources that spoke to me.  Some were texts or posts from friends; others from Scripture, but I am convinced they were sent  for me from my Lord.  He has to get my mouth shut before I can hear!

After a week of being mostly at home by myself, today John and I went to a local event in Brandon.  I still am hoarse, but I had to see some daylight and people!  During our brief outing of maybe an hour, I experienced 3 wonders. 

Wonder # 1- encounter was with a member of our church in Jackson who lives in Clinton but has Brandon ties.  A totally unexpected wonder to see him.  He introduced us to a friend who has written a very readable book that guides "non-techies" through the maze of computer issues.  Having been in a position along my journey to try to teach beginner computer courses, I bought a copy of the book so I can stay functional.

Wonder # 2- I saw a former student from my Brandon Middle School years of subbing.  She is a spectacular young  Christian woman who will graduate in May from MC!  We talked and caught up and I listened (mostly) about her plans after graduation.  She has many possibilities, but she is seeking God's choice.  No surprise to me in that, but a wonder non-the-less. In this "go where the money is" world, she is waiting for God's voice to tell her His plan. 

Wonder #3- After we left the festival and I had a chance to begin to scan my new book,  I saw the name of yet another former student on the acknowledgment page.  Why is this a wonder?  Because I taught this student in Chalmette, LA in 1980-81!  He is friends with the author of the book who is a friend of our church member!  He has lived in the Brandon area for quite some time, but this "co-incidental" connection to our church friend and his friend and me.....

Do you get it... the wonder of little me being connected through all my journeys to people from so many places and time spans, and encountering all of them in one afternoon?  How can I not see this as a wonder?

Here's the point...(I know you were wondering if there would be one!) 

If I had not been "silenced" and sick this week, it is very possible that I would have missed the wonders of today.  During my forced seclusion, I spent much needed time reading and meditating on God's word, focused primarily on the journey to the Cross.  My Lenten Season was interrupted by family crisis, so my readings were delayed.  But I can tell you, they were right on time for me this week. 

This is the greatest wonder of all-- God reaches through time and space and wants to connect with us  where He wants, and why He wants, because He loves us.  I'm glad I didn't miss Him today!





Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Forgetfulness


January 1, 2013             Forgetfulness

I hesitate to make resolutions at the beginning of the year, not because I don’t need to do better, but because I tend to forget what I resolved.  I’m not trying to be funny here; it is just true.

This year (actually in just a few days) I will be turning 59.  I can’t really wrap my mind around this fact, because I don’t know where the years went.  I remember being a little girl, becoming a teenager, graduating from high school and college, getting married, having our son, and standing beside his baby bed as he slept and saying aloud to him, “Don’t grow up too fast.”  He turns 30 in January!

Getting older has its advantages and disadvantages; this is also true of forgetfulness.  It seems that daily “my forgetter gets better,” as my daddy said as he got older.  I frequently forget where I left my glasses, where I last had my phone, or why I walked into a different room.  I can remember events from my childhood, but I don’t remember if I turned off my curling brush just a few minutes ago.

As I look back over the past year, I remember much that was difficult and painful.  Life is like that.  Sickness and death touched my family more than once during 2012.  These days will not be forgotten easily.  Yet, there were also great times of healing, and hope, and happiness that I want to remember.  In addition, last year brought times of hurt and rejection and discouragement, some of which came from people for whom I care deeply. 

I think that forgetfulness may sometimes need to be a deliberate choice.  The Apostle Paul said it this way in Philippians 3:13-16:

I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.”

I have studied the concept of “forget” for a long time.  The pairing of forgetting and forgiving has especially given me times of agony.  After all, women never forget some things!  Years ago I read a definition of forgiveness that has helped me with this struggle. It said something like this. “Forgiveness is not pretending like something did not happen; it is remembering that it happened, but choosing not to let it hurt you again.”

So, my choice and goal for 2013 will be to forget-- forget the hurts and those who caused them; forget to let the past continue to hurt me.  Instead, I will press harder to be more loving, more forgiving, and to be more like Christ.  When I fail, and I know I will, I hope others will forget and be forgiving toward me.